“I grew up in a house, where my mother went to work and my father stayed at home, ‘ recalls actress Nandita Das of her father famed artist Jatin Das. “It was the only way I knew, so I grew up thinking all mothers went to the office while fathers stayed at home to take care of the household! Didn’t all fathers cook and clean and for recreation, paint in their studios?! Now looking back, I am so glad that stereotypes were broken and roles reversed in my mind at such an early age. Of course my father’s creativity permeated into the kitchen too. It meant my lunch box had sprouts, brown bread, slices of apple, or a vegetable that was cooked in a way nobody had really seen before. 

Thankfully, my friends loved my lunch box. They happily ate my food and thought it to be rather exotic while I devoured their roti-subzi-achar(wheat pancakes, vegetable and pickle), which for me was the real ghar ka khana(home made food)!”

Nandita’s father is a man who walks to the beat of his own drummer. “Baba, as I call my father, right from the beginning, was a rebel. Instead of preparing for his biology exams, he would relentlessly paint under a tree in the fields, behind his home (in Bariapada, Orissa). And then there are stories about him running away to Bombay with 500 rupees in his pocket to further his passion, at the JJ school of Arts. I’ve heard many wonderful stories from Baba and his friends, recounting these times in their lives with a passion that has never waned with age. Sometimes I feel it’s not pure nostalgia, the times were different.

I have heard this story a million times from him and his singer friend Ashok Misra. Soon after his college days, Baba was commissioned a large fresco on Marine Drive. It was a prestigious commission and he desperately needed the money. Not known for his sense of time, he postponed it till the last day. He panicked the night before and told his friend that if he would break eggs and beat them with color (the concoction needed to paint the fresco), he would climb up the scaffolding of the building and finish it in one night. The only condition was that Ashok would have to sing till he finished the fresco! So all night Ashok dada sang and Baba painted. In their endless reminisces I have imagined the first rays of dawn drying the last daubs of paint. “

Today while things have changed for the better financially, Nandita says that “Baba’s relationship with money has hardly changed! He has always seen it as something transient, that has very little to do with the joys of life. Money for him has never been a motivation for doing anything. Seeing him broke, the daughter in me would often find it so impractical and almost foolish, but I know that understanding his philosophy has given me a lot of courage of conviction and freedom of choice.”

Nandita adds that her father’s way of looking at life was very unique. Once during her tenth grade board exam, she was very stressed and nervous. “ Others had fathers who sweated over logarithms or at least ensured that their child sweated it out. My Baba, on the other hand, took one look at my panicked face and asked me to water the plants! I was shocked and angry with him. How could he be so insensitive as to ask me to water the plants when I didn’t have a minute to breathe? His logic was simple- if you have attended your classes, you should know your subject, and there should be no reason why you torture yourself just a couple of hours before the exam. While that sounded very logical, I couldn’t explain to him that it’s not as easy as that. But he was so sure that if I needed to concentrate on math I needed to water the plants. I grudgingly went out and took the hose pipe, pondering about my rather abnormal father, who understood nothing. Soon the accusations gave way to a peaceful engagement with the plants. The flowers seemed to dance in joy as they bathed in water, and soon, their dusty leaves were shining once again. I hate to admit that it was the best thing that could happen to me at that time. Like the leaves, I guess my mind needed rejuvenation. So when I returned to the god-forsaken logarithms, I really didn’t mind them any more!” 

Nandita adds that, today she is grateful that her father never forced her to excel or live up to expectations that most parents thrust upon their kids. He also always made Nandita and her brother question every action, even his own. “Now he wonders why I argue with him so much!” He also instilled honesty, equality and sensitivity as core moral values in the two. “My brother and I were reminded ever so often to question our motivations, intentions and our actions that it almost became a habit to do reality checks in every situation. I am grateful to my father because of the values he instilled in us. If these were simply hollow sermons of a preacher, we would not have imbibed them. But they are so intrinsic to his being, he invariably catches us every time we falter.”
Nandita says when she decided to join films, her father warned her that “films are like dragons; they suck you in and lure you in to the world of money and fame. The best of people compromise, lose their path and forget why they got into films in the first place.” Initially she laughed at his concern thinking it to be typical parental anxiety but acknowledges today that those very words and the underlying message have kept her grounded. “Success at home was not defined by money and fame. Work was always meant to be something that would give you joy, make life more meaningful and above all, help you grow as a person. 

Nandita says it is from her father that she is inspired to not follow the beaten path, to dabble in different things and not balk at paying the price it involves. “I have often felt he is one of the most misunderstood people I have ever known in my life. But then I am comforted by the recollection of all the people through the ages, who have defied the beaten path. I once heard someone say that the world is changed by those who are crazy enough to believe that they can do it. You can disagree with them, criticize them, or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do, is to ignore them. 

These are the misfits, the rebels, the trouble makers; the ones who see things differently. I see my father as a square peg in a round hole. And for this he will have to bear his own cross. The confidence to take this path I am sure stems from my father. For Baba, the journey is important, not the destination; a maxim that I have embraced in my own life. I float through life resisting pressures of proving anything to the world. I am restless, interested in fifty different things and want to explore and live every moment to the fullest. In today’s world of super specialization and ruthless ambition, this desire to experiment and explore may seem naïve or indulgent. But what if many different things fascinate you, what if you want to lose the fear of failure and what if doing all the different things is the only way for you to be happy?! Well, then you just go ahead, stumble along the way, meet some amazing people and dabble in different things. The confidence to take this path I am sure stems from my father. But does this life on one’s own terms come at a cost?

Of course! There are those who think Baba is crazy. Those who simply can’t believe that a 60+ man can actually be so child like, or be so ‘scattered’, have no money every now and then, be so worldly unwise. For most, at best he is mad and at worst, pretentious. Baba doesn’t care about either of the accusations. And I have to admit that it wasn’t always easy for us to grow up with a father who has been in the public domain, with half the people laughing at his idealism and other half mistrusting him. But those who have known him well have accepted his rebelliousness, his righteousness, his childlike wonder, and his need for being himself.”