Parents Don’t Admit They Are Wrong!

Hello everyone! Thank you for the wonderful response! I received emails from both parents and teens, and I am so happy that many people felt open to share their situations with me. Out of the responses I received, I chose a couple to respond to in this issue. For every issue, I will make sure to include one question from a parent and one question from a teenager or kid. Here it is!

Dear Swapna,
I love my parents a lot and feel open to sharing many things with them. However, my issue with them is that they cannot admit when they are wrong. They never apologize for anything! Instead they justify why they did or said. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to offend them by talking back, but I feel so hurt when they cannot admit their mistakes as well. What can I do?

I can see how this is a tough situation for you! There is a very fine line between being assertive and being rude with your parents. I know this may be tough or unfair, but try to think of how you have approached or confronted them in the past about this issue and what you may have done to create that response from them. Are you also able to admit to them when you are wrong? What topics are discussed when you notice they cannot admit their mistakes? Gaining insight into what happens when this conflict occurs will help you solve the situation. If you approached them in any offensive way, your parents might become defensive automatically. Also, did you let them know how you felt after things were cooled down a bit?? If you haven’t already, you may want to try talking to them about it when they are in a good mood or when there is no conflict going on between you and them at the present moment. The fact that you bring it up later with them in a calm and collected manner may help them see that you feel really hurt, and they may respect your opinion even more! 


Dear Swapna,
I had a normal, well behaved, obedient son, and then he turned 13! He is a totally different person now. He spends almost the whole evening chatting online with friends from school, while simultaneously yakking on the phone! His grades have slipped a wee bit, and I am afraid he is losing his focus in studies. All my discussions and advice seem to be having no effect on him any more. He thinks he knows everything, and mom is getting dumber by the day. I know 13 is a difficult age, with raging hormones and all...but how does mom keep her sanity through this phase?

Mom, please keep your sanity knowing that this is JUST a phase. If it makes you feel any better, find comfort in knowing that you are not alone! Most parents go through this with their pre-teens, and too much analyzing into what he is doing will just drive you more insane. Of course you can keep a tab on his grades, but his social activities are also becoming more important to him. It is the beginning of him learning how to adapt to both Indian and American culture. In order for him to form his own identity, he has to form friendships with others. The most common way is of course talking on the phone or chatting online. Think about it, isn’t it nice to know that your pre-teen is getting to know others under your own roof than outdoors? This way you have an advantage of making sure he is doing well in school. As long as the grades don’t slip significantly, you need not worry. If you push him to focus, he will become less motivated to focus. Seeing you relaxed will naturally make him feel more comfortable to take your advice and open up to you more about anything he needs or feels. So overall, relaxing about this whole situation will ultimately make you feel more comfortable and get what you want. Patience is a virtue! 

*Disclaimer: The content presented is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not intended to replace or substitute any professional, legal, medical, or other advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, please seek consult with an appropriately trained psychologist, counselor, or mental health specialist.