BY DR. KAMESHWAR S. BHARGAVA

Whenever there is a talk of family, it is believed that parents and children as a group, tied by blood lines, constitute a family. When the families of two or more brothers, with or without their parents lived together, it was called a joint family. But many people have come to think that a family extends beyond the definition of blood ties. They believe that “Family is a group of people whose members love, support, and care for each other and are bound together through emotional ties and that these people form a cadre of friends.”

Not very long ago, two or three generations of a family lived in the same house or town. But, in recent times, the trend is changing. Members of a family have begun to move to far off, distant places due to the nature of their work or occupation. Career demands have made people more mobile. This has resulted in less and less contact between members of a family. In many instances, even the members of the same family i.e. parents, sons, daughters live separately by choice. This has resulted in weakening the family as a center of society. Moreover, a large number of marriages end up in divorce and the husband and wife no longer live together. Many households are composed only of singles.

When you move away from your family to a new place, you meet new colleagues and new neighbors. Soon you have more in common with these people, who are more readily available at all times, than your family members whom you have left behind. These new people are there to communicate with you, celebrate with you, and are helpful to you in times of need. Many of these people also lack local family connections. Over a period of time you come to know each other intimately and they provide you a kind of everyday emotional support and contribute to the quality of your life. According to some studies, a few one person households have only a single close friend. It seems that such people have a negative attitude that prevents them from developing a relationship, or they have forgotten how to make a friend or be a friend.

From these new acquaintances, you choose one or two whom you call friends after seeing their inner qualities and sharing some life experiences. As friends you share something in common and become connected through tears, smiles, and laughter. Such a person will always be there for you and steer you clearly when his counsel is sought. He can guide you and help you make a choice by offering his views and adding a new voice. In short, he comes to know you in ways that your family members cease to know you because the family is far away, physically and emotionally.

Such chosen friends share something in common with you. They do not judge you or make you change. They accept you exactly as you are. In many cases friends do not let you feel the absence of family members, instead they fill the void created by the absence of family members. They become welcome and useful members of the family and in many cases exceed what might be expected of them. They remain close to you, no matter where life leads you.

Close friends are those that you can share your secrets with, cry with, and laugh with.
In a world where there are multiple demands on our time, having multiple sources of support can be very encouraging and heartening. When the parents are busy, friends are able to act as god-parents to new babies and also help children with many of their activities. They also share the burden of caregiving when the family caregiver is overstressed or needs help due to unusual circumstances. Such friends mean everything to us – friends without whom our lives would be empty. They are the most enduring examples of grace and good fortune. Friends let us know we matter. They value us just for ourselves.

When you have no living family members, or there is estrangement in the family, and you are living alone, and there is no one else to talk to about important matters in your life, you need people who will listen to you and share your hopes and fears. Such friends play an even more important role by their availability in times of need. Divorcees are also dependent on the interaction with friends. For them friends are important because the friends tend to be objective, independent, and impartial, and help to sooth their tumultuous world. Persons who are grieved, also find solace in friends and lean on them in the period of grief after the tragedy. Friends help widows or widowers by tempering their sorrow in the period of transition to a new identity as a single person. Friends keep their hopes alive when their shattered hopes and dreams come to haunt them like a bad nightmare. Hopes, encouraged by friends, act as a powerful tool for healing. Friends act like boats that keep them afloat above the turbulent waters.

As you grow older your friends, who are generally of the same age and are also growing older, have more time on their hands for socializing with you than your family members. These friends will be with you during your worst times. Recent studies have shown that people who have strong ties with supportive friends are less likely to be depressed during periods of stress. If you need them to do anything, they will do whatever is needed.

For older adults, friendship is actually more important for their psychological well being than family members. Recent researches have shown that good friends, rather than close family ties, help you to live longer. Their association brings about greater resistance to illnesses and helps the patient with speedier recovery. In such circumstances, friendships blossom even if relationships fail.



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