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There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. -
Albert Einstein
About 10 days ago, I attended this wonderful seminar organized by SASGA (Sikh American Society of Georgia) to celebrate Guru Nanak’s birth anniversary. While each speaker was outstanding, what caught my attention was the speech by T. Sher Singh, a leading attorney and speaker from Canada, and someone I like more and more each time I meet him or speak with him or hear him speak. As he spoke of his personal interpretation of Guru Nanak’s teachings, he repeatedly mentioned the word “barkat”. While barkat means growth and prosperity through unexplained blessings, it brought home to me thoughts of the little miracles, the power of prayer and the amazing grace that is offered to us in our journey, especially when we stumble or find ourselves in a dark space in life, uncertain of how to proceed. It also brought home the lesson that I have tried to live by and see so many others living by-the more you give the more amazing grace or
"barkat" you receive.
Perhaps the biggest truth in my life has been the uncanny coincidence with which I have received that “barkat”, that grace, that blessing immediately each time I reached out to give. Every time I made an effort to help, every time I have lived honestly, every time I have shown compassion and kindness, each time I have stood for what I truthfully believed in, doors have opened and the blessings have poured in.
My paternal grandmother became a widow when she was barely in her thirties. She lost her husband and only daughter within a very short period. She went from being the wife of an exceedingly affluent man to a refugee from Pakistan raising six boys on limited resources. When she was asked to leave Pakistan, she was attending a wedding. She escaped just with the jewelry she had on her body. She said to me many years later, that her only prayer to God was-“if I have to spread my hands and ask for alms, let those hands spread only before you God’. Her generosity and kindness to those around her before she left Pakistan came back to her in the form of ‘barkat’ in so many different ways. The Muslim man who took care of my grand parents’ immense property, and whom my dad and his brothers called tau (older brother of their father) sold that land and sent the money to my grandmother through someone many months later. Her six boys went on to excel in sports and academics. My father and his youngest brother went on to become military generals. More than their academic and professional success what meant most to her was that each one of them was respected for his decency, integrity and generosity.
For my grandmother, perhaps the greatest moment came to see her youngest son sworn in as Governor of Punjab when she was in her nineties. All the major newspapers carried not my uncle’s but her picture on the front page with the chief minister touching her feet. It had been a long journey, but the wheel finally came a full circle for an illiterate woman who had the guts to carry her sons on a horse from village to village, who opened her heart and home to those more needy than her , even when all she had was a huge pot of barley soup to offer.
My maternal grandmother was no different. Not only did she inculcate a passion for music and literature in me at a very young age (I was reading fluently when I was not even three years old) she also taught me by example to stand up fearlessly for what I believed in. She told me always to reach out and give. “Barkat” happens when you give, and even more so when you don’t have enough for yourself, but still reach out and help others”, she said.
I saw that generosity of spirit in my parents too. Growing up, there were times I would ask my folks for something, like all kids do. Sometimes I would be told “no we can’t afford that”, and my sister and I somehow knew instinctively never to throw a tantrum or ask for it again. Many years later, I found out the reason why. One day as a teenager I happened to see a letter addressed to my father in Hindi by a woman. In it she wrote-“Your son is now a physician and wants to come and seek your blessings” A son? That I didn’t know about? Hmm and I thought dad said mom was the first woman he met, and decided to marry! While I was busy raising my eyebrows at the letter, mom came in and told me that the “son” belonged to one of dad’s soldiers who had died in the 1971 war. Dad had adopted the boy as part of the rehabilitation process for his wife, spent a huge chunk of his salary educating that boy in the best institutions in India, so he could take care of his mother and help his four sisters get married. That is why, said mom, we had to say “No” to you and your sister when you asked for something where we could not spare the money that month. It was going into that boy’s tuition. I think just that one act of kindness alone has come back as multifold blessings to my parents in so many ways. Doors have opened for them in any-thing they choose to do, people who try to hurt them or cheat them are often at their feet a few weeks later asking forgiveness because strangely something terrible happens and they know why it happened.
In my own life I have had the amazing grace of having truly wonderful friends. They have stood by me, and helped me through so much. But more than that through some of the hardest times, it has been the kindness of strangers that has blown me away. And that is an even greater miracle. When you perform an act of kindness, the reciprocal gesture may not necessarily come from the same person, but I know this for sure- it comes back multifold.
I’m going to embarrass him, but in recent times, one of the most genuine, kind men I have chanced to meet and who I have the honor of calling my wellwisher and mentor is Dr Jagdish
Sheth. He is not just an immensely gifted man intellectually and a super achiever in whatever he chooses to do, he has an incredibly kind heart, a terrific sense of humor and an eternally curious mind. Both he and his wife Madhu have stepped out and helped innumerable people realize their dreams. I’m working on a biography on Dr
Sheth, and it has been just incredible to hear anyone and everyone talk about him not with just respect and admiration but with deep love. You can have a grudging respect for someone’s brilliance, but love, has to be earned. The Sheths gave when they didn’t have enough and today when they do, they give even more. They are two of the humblest, kindest people I know and a true example of the ‘barkat’ I have talked about in the blessings they too have received because they give.
A few years ago, a friend of mine was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer. I had to raise $ 1800 to be eligible to walk in the AVON breast cancer walk to raise money for research and awareness. It was to be a grueling 60 miles walk, outdoors in the heat for three days. The first day after we did the 20 miles Avon gave the participants access to a chiropractor and masseurs. Since I had trained well, I was not as tired as most people I saw behind me. Many had blisters on their feet. I kept sending people behind me out of turn for massage.. The masseurs focused on specific areas of the body of each participant and the massage lasted 10 minutes .There was no time for a full body massage and most people were massaged on their legs and feet. Unknown to me, a masseur was noting that I was sending people behind me. Half an hour later she asked me to come in, and gave me a full body massage for 35 minutes, “for putting others before you.” That is why I tell people, even random acts of kindness come back to bless you. I was a whole new person after that massage-ready to tackle another 20 miles right away!
Not just that, I had started my fund raising quite late, not having seen the fine print on my application. With barely 45 days to go, I still managed to raise close to $ 5000. The biggest checks came from strangers because a friend of mine, who I didn’t know as closely as I do now, Indra
Dattagupta, got behind my efforts, cut me a huge personal check, and then got her son
Ravi, his friends to stuff my letter of appeal in mail boxes in different subdivisions. Indra is another person who will take the shirt off her back to help someone in need and I know she has ‘barkat’ as a result many times in her life.
Shubhra and Anil Khatod, who I consider my family away from home, have quietly given so much time and money along with their son Sumit to help raise funds for a hospice in Jaipur that treats lepers and for other causes. But more than that I just have to ask and they are there for me every step of the way. Or my friends Mahfuz and Mustaq Ahmed who have funded the education of so many kids from their village back home in
Rajasthan. Their home here too, is open to all and they are there for anyone who needs shelter or help of any kind. And they have always gone out of their way to shower love and kindness on me and my family. All these people, Dr
Sheth, Indra, Anil and Shubhra, Mahfuz and Mushtaq and many of my close friends are wonderful, giving human beings, but for me the amazing grace is that all of them are in my life together and add to it in the most positive way. I know of so many others who are not so lucky.
Two days ago, my mother’s older brother passed away suddenly. Mom is the youngest in a family of six- he the oldest brother, a father figure for her and for us all. As everyone in our family is hoarse with crying and distraught with grief, through my own sorrow I choose to remember his laughter, and sense of humor, his many acts of kindness and generosity and how he lived life honestly, fully and on his terms. He was a military man and had that leonine demeanor that goes with the territory, but beyond that gruff voice was an amazing singer, a self taught painter of exceptional quality and a man who spent the past two decades building schools for underprivileged children, distributing free medical supplies, and counseling people with compassion. His family saw a lot of ‘barkat’ just because of his random acts of kindness, and for me the amazing grace of his presence in my life for so many years, is yet another miracle to cherish.
As this year comes to a close I hope all of us will remember that while life throws many curveballs, the bend in the road is not the end of the road. Our eyes are often veiled by fear, confusion, ego and a desire for instant gratification of what ever it is we want at that time, but if we looked around us, there is amazing grace that forgives us our failings and reaches out to raise us each time we stumble and fall.
Have a wonderful start to 2005!
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