I first saw her at a temple. A fancy silk sari, pearls, a red bindi ( stick-on dot) on her forehead that was bigger than mine(where the hell .oops heaven did she find that? I must ask her fawning secretary, may be as a kickback for giving her publicity.) The line of her devotees began outside the resort I was invited to. “She embraces all, and reads your mind,” whispered my friend. Her husband a hot shot doctor who had been quite the lord Krishna himself playing with so many gopis prior to being tamed by his shrew of a wife, looked bored, ill at ease and self conscious(hmm was he afraid she was going to read his mind and reveal all?).

She is among the rapidly growing new spiritual imports from India..one of the many “divine mothers’ one encounters in America. The entourage comprises of well to do physicians, engineers and businessmen. I have seldom seen anyone poor near by. A disgruntled devotee who claims nothing she was told by this divine mother ever came true hisses, ‘A few years ago she was a no body, beaten up by her husband and thrown out. Look how her fortunes have changed. As long as there are suckers looking for succor these people will thrive.” Why is she here? “ I just wanted to see how she fools them this time.” Her assistants walk around looking important and shush every one rudely so she could begin her discourse.

Another time, I’m visiting the west coast, and talking to an old friend. A business woman visiting her house finds out I’m a journalist and cleverly steers the conversation towards spirituality and religion. When I mention my grandmother was a devotee of a particular Indian deity, she pounces on me and says I must talk to her spiritual guru, Divine mother X, in the east coast who is also a devotee of the same deity. Before I can open my mouth she is on the phone, telling the divine mother I was just dying to talk to her and that I was a..meaningful pause.. journalist. I reluctantly take the phone..Divine mother X speaks fluent English, and after talking to me for five minutes tells me she sees a kindred spirit in my aura, goes on to names drop about several celebrities who are her followers and invites me to a big 3 day festival she hosts. If I can arrange for television coverage, she would love that even more (wonder if she saw some TV antennas, and a video camera in my aura as well).

I hang up and my friend blurts out, “Isn’t this the same lady who left her home, husband and kids and followed some guy?” The devotee hastens to do some damage control. “Oh he was a spiritual teacher who saw divine potential in her. He never took female devotees but made an exception in her case. She then predicted something to a powerful US politician who then gave her some free land to build her ashram and she has never looked back.”

I first saw him in Kashmir, alighting from a luxury car belonging to a famous film maker. He wore saffron, was quite the magician, and healer. He also loved betel leaves and his mouth was perpetually the color of his robe. He seemed humble and cheerful, but his coterie of assistants, started immediately throwing their weight around, rudely pushing people back asking men and women to separate. One looked very disdainfully at my jeans and was about to admonish me for not being appropriately dressed, when another colleague hissed that I was from the media. The frown was immediately replaced by a beatific smile and chants of “welcome welcome, please sit near swami ji’.

This swami claimed he is radha reincarnated to one of his non Indian disciples and supposedly made a pass at him. I saw him wearing a designer silk robe, looking high on laughing gas, and giggling. A crowd of fawning women wearing expensive silk saris and jewelry followed him. Then they decided to sing hymns. One of the women burst into a film song (case of mistaken hymn identity)-apki nazron ne samjha pyaar ke kabil mujhe, dil ki ai dhadkan theher ja mil gayi manzil mujhe,” (your eyes indicated they consider me worthy of your love-oh my heartbeat, stop for I found my destination)..the guru giggled and gave his candy floss smile before heading to a resort for a divine love session with his disciples.

A similar experience and the same song with a different swami happened to a journalist acquaintance back home in India. I guess love hath no boundaries and divine love-absolutely not!

Their message to the masses ranged from ‘ I’m here to love you..JUST…love you..so what if you don’t love me in return (yep that one just read my mind!) to “America is the holy land. My father said one day all yogis will leave India and come to America.” There were several I asked the question-how does one know the truly enlightened teacher from the several spiritual quacks that are around? The answer? “ eh keep trying, you will just know when you find the right one.” Every one had a price tag attached to their appearances, the yoga or meditation sessions their disciples or they headed.

Some of them even have a system where you were given time with the divine mother or father depending on how much donation you coughed up.

At the other end of the spectrum are the miracle makers or the peer babas/tantra experts, whose mug shots have been gracing every media. They seem to be doing the same job that these divine healers are doing but at least they are upfront about asking for payment for services rendered. There is a big investigation going on in England about some of these so called tantra experts, and a challenge from a group of cynics to come forward and prove that they possess the divine abilities and solve problems before a panel of experts. Not one of them has come forward. One lady who is well known for her prowess in mathematics has charged some of my friends an arm and a leg to solve their marital and romantic woes. Of course she doesn’t want to talk about her own two or is it three failed marriages.

A lot of times these divine sessions become a media circus..someone even asked me..can you help us get our Ma on CNN, 60 Minutes and Time magazine?

If the guru or divine mother is such an enlightened soul why does he/she need all that publicity? I have seen several interviews being killed by the press after the session is over. Often we will all leave and then get together to laugh at some of the ridiculous stuff mouthed by these gurus and divine mothers… One divine mother’s session went like this. “ How does enlightenment happen? Oh it just happens? Tell us how were you as a kid? Heee hee I haven’t grown up..I’m still a kid.” And then the assistants started their rounds of charging for each blessing she gave.

On the flip side whenever I’m asked what I think about some of the most renowned gurus like Satya Sai Baba, Sri Sri Ravi shankar, both of whom I’ve met and spoken with, my answer is their organizations are doing some terrific humanitarian work, and that is enough for me to cut them some slack, even if I wasn’t impressed by their personality. In reality I found both of them to be very down to earth, intelligent, compassionate and gracious. Did I go into an enraptured trance? No, but then I didn’t see them claim divinity even once. Satya Sai baba gave an excellent lecture in Telugu-it was translated equally well by his interpreter. There are several members of my family who have claimed that miracles have happened in their lives due to Sai Baba’s intervention. I don’t know if it’s that or their own faith. I spent a couple of days with Sri Sri, and found him to be exceedingly sweet, accommodating and patient. He led us through an amazing meditation session. He was also honest enough to profess ignorance if he didn’t know something. I’ve read some of his books and while the thoughts are universal he has simplified them in many ways, and perhaps that is what resonates with the people. And of course there are many who have been healed by his presence in their life-is it his miracle making abilities, or their own faith, or just the power of yoga, and breathing techniques honed by him, is beside the point.

Again there are many people who feel they could not have been where they are today without the guidance of their gurus, and that their lives have been touched by divine hands. All of us need some one at some time to show us the answers that actually really lie within us, but we are too agitated to realize them. Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev of the Isha foundation and I keep missing each other, but he is the kind of kickass teacher I love. He cuts through the crap and makes a lot of sense in pretty much whatever I have read of his thoughts. I love the Dalai Lama, because he laughed in Barbara Walters face when she asked him in a recent interview-are you God? He showed her his swollen eye and said-“this eye has been troubling me for the past day-if I was God I would have fixed this. I’m just a teacher.”

As a child I remembered some holy men coming to my grand mother’s house. They ate the food she offered, gave their heart felt blessings and left. No big words, no lectures, just a loving “God bless you for feeding a hungry man.” That was enough then I guess.

Personally the best advice I often get is from the mouth of a child; children are honest, uncomplicated and a lot wiser than we give them credit for. I have also learnt more about life from my grandmothers one of whom was illiterate, and from my own life’s experiences, and from people who became my friends and mentors, none of whom claimed divine status and yet taught me so much. I’m told I’ve done that for many as well. It makes me believe even more firmly that both the devil and divine reside within us and all we need to do is take the time to tap that divine potential and the ability to make a difference in the life of others.

What I don’t like is the herd mentality among the followers of many of these gurus and swamis and a certain clique formation that I see. I wonder if it’s a human flaw to not stop and think about what is being said, avoid doing our own research and often hesitate to go against the rest of the herd for fear of sticking out like a sore thumb. Since selling divinity in diverse packages has become a multi-million dollar business, I’m curious to hear from all of you what you think works for you. Where do you get your best advice, how do you choose your path, and what does it mean to be divine or spiritual from your personal perspective?