Living in the U.S. and being Indian, it’s amazing the struggles we face! Not only do we have to adapt to the Western culture, but we also have to preserve our Indian identity as well. We have to become puppets to balance both cultures and balance school, work, home, friends, and hobbies. What a task!

The worst part about it is the conflict and struggles it takes to balance everything. Parents, you are worried about your kids getting into trouble and losing themselves to Western life. Teens, you are constantly trying to battle your parents to adapt more to American culture and just relax about everything in general. As a result, we all fight, lie, and even spy to keep everything “cool” or “in check”. Wow, what a mess! 

Even though quick solutions such as lying, fighting, cheating, and spying can bring some relief...it’s obviously temporary and creates a vicious cycle. Parents, I’m sure you don’t want to be lied to, and you want the security that your child is doing okay. Teens, you probably wish your parents would be more flexible about life here and let you have more freedom. That being said, what can we do???....COMMUNICATE!!!

Yes, scary at times, but true! Communication between different generations is what it will take to achieve balance and happiness in both cultures. Think about it...isn’t it easier to balance school, work, and family if you can communicate freely with each other?? This is where I want to help!!

So as for me, why would I be interested and how can I help? It’s pretty simple, I have grown up in the U.S. with parents who grew up in India and Africa. I had the unique, but common experience of having one really strict parent and one westernized parent. My parents themselves had conflicts on how to raise my younger brother and me. With my father being very strict and my mother being a little more liberal, I learned how hard it would be for Indian parents in general to raise their kids here. Because of their conflicts, as a teenager, I just ignored them and did what I wanted. Maybe not the best idea, but it worked for me...or at least temporarily. Later on, my guilt and the barrier I created between my parents caught up to me. I began to think like some of us do... “there must be a better solution.” Initially, the thought scared me, but I warmed up to my parents and started sharing more things with them. Of course we argued, but it got much easier later for me to get what I want and for them to get what they want. I was able to go out with my friends and not feel guilty, but also go to events with my parents and not feel constrained or suffocated. It was great and we were all happy! I also learned that it’s very hard for our parents to predict what they should allow us to do...helping us maintain our roots while adapting to an individualistic culture is not an easy task! 

Overall, the struggles and victories I went through and saw with family, friends, and other Indians motivated me to finish a B.A. in Psychology and Sociology and currently finish my M.S. in Professional Counseling. I have a strong passion to pursue my Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and research how to make this communication easier and more successful. There is big need to bridge the gap between both generations. Being older, I still see myself, my family, my friends, and their families face some similar struggles like we did when younger. I am sure many of you have had similar experiences and that my experience isn’t completely unique. 

After hearing about what I want to do and what I am pursuing, I was given the great opportunity to start this column. My goal with “Ask Swapna” is to create an open forum where parents and youngsters can email me with any conflicts or struggles they are facing regarding the culture clash and the generation gap. I will respond to all emails and will choose one situation to respond to for each issue....almost like Dear Abby. If I choose to put your email in the column, I will email you and ask for your permission first. I will also keep your name and any names mentioned anonymous. I hope everyone can learn something new by reading this column in terms of new ways to communicate with your parents or kids. I cannot promise that my advice will always work, but it is definitely a shot and an opportunity to open doors with any conflicts you have. Help me to help us shorten the gap between our generations! Thanks.