BY JYOTHSNA HEGDE

Directed by Farah Khan. Starring Katrina Kaif, Anil Kapoor, Akshay Kumar

There's nothing wrong with mindless comedy, larger than life characters and over the top cinema; we are the population that opened our hearts and pockets to Wanted, Dabbang, Singh is King and the Golmaal series. Watching mindless movies does not mean that the writers switch off their minds. Sadly, it appears that Kunder brothers Shrish and Ashmit sleep walked through the scriptwriting process. Tees Maar Khan (TMK) definitely has the signature Farah Khan touches, but there is very little even a sizzling 'Sheila ki Jawani' can do save this train wreck of a script, literally.

It all starts with a pregnant mother watching crime movies. The kid in her belly Tabrez Mirza Khan (Akshay Kumar) a.k.a Tees Maar Khan learns to con people just like Abhimanyu in Mahabharatha learns about Chakravyuha in the womb. He has three sidekicks on his team. Anya (Katrina Kaif), his girlfriend is an item girl who is desperate to play the main lead in a movie. 

TMK is employed to steal 10, 000 kilograms of antiques from a moving train. He needs more than his team of three to accomplish his task. Under the guise of a director from Hollywood, he convinces Bollywood superstar Aatish Kapoor ( Akshaye Khanna) who is desperate to win an Oscar to act in his movie. The heroine of course is Anya. Next TMK gets an entire village to believe that they are all characters in his movie. His plan to use the village folk and Aatish to stop the train and loot the antiques.

TMK had a lot going for it, the super hit pair of Akshay, Katrina, a fairly interesting storyline for a comedy, the flair of Farah's direction and much more. But none of the ingredients are used in right proportions. What the movie lacks most is an emotional connect with the characters. The buffoon act is stretched so thin that the viewer can never really relate to any character or emotion other than an occasional laugh about Manoj Night Shyamalan becoming Manoj Day Ramalan. Even that fades quickly. Akshay Kumar's character requires him to be loud and boisterous and he eases into his role quite comfortably. Akshaye Khanna as the Oscar crazy actor does manage to impress, with the very little he has to work with. All Katrina gets to do is say "You dirty dog" or something shallow to that effect at regular intervals till the end. As stunning as Katrina looks, her gyrating to item numbers does very little to the movie. Her character, like all the others never develop into anything meaningful or substantial enough. So even when Tees Maar Khan predictably pulls off the heist, the viewer feels no need to applaud. 

Farah's previous outings, ''Main Hoon Na' and 'Om Shanti Om' may not have been Oscar contenders but they both managed to evoke a certain warmth for the characters. The spoofs and comedy were supported by substance. Tees Maar Khan, somehow is not really Farah's fault. She applies her usual touches, including the interesting end credits in her movie- here the entire cast wins a dummy Oscar. The title song, 'Sheila ki Jawani', and 'Wallah re Wallah' are notable. The culprit really is the script, that gets out of control, rather quickly. Not sure even if the charming King Khan, Farah's usual pick for her leading man, could have salvage the inconsistent writing. It would be safe to steer clear of this train ride.